Recently, a momma in my group posted,
"I'm going out of my mind. I can't keep my child in bed. She gets up like a million times a night and gets into my bed."
Does this ever happen to you?
There are so many different ideas about handling bedtime drama. It's a little bit of a heated topic, very debatable.
One mom shared,
"My children are 10 and 14. I let them sleep in my bed. There must be a good reason why they want to sleep in my bed at night. And if that's what they need to do, I put pallets out in my bedroom, and they can sleep in my room."
Another mom said,
"I need to get my sleep at night. I can't get a good night's sleep with children coming in and out of my room all night. And it's not good for them either. Like, when are they going to learn to sleep on their own and soothe themselves?"
Well, I don't know about you, but I'm an adult, and I STILL wake up a lot. My kids wake up a lot too, but they know how to put themselves back to sleep. They know how to self-soothe. And it's so important to learn how to do that.
That poor momma whose child showed up in bed every night had no intimacy with her spouse, and neither parent was cool with that!
There are all kinds of reasons why we might not want our kids to come in at night. So if you're that mama who says, "Hey, I love my kids, but I am not okay with them coming into my bedroom every night," there's good news for you.
And, if you're the mom who says, "Hey, my kids can come into my bed whenever they want. We have an open-door policy," that's great if it works for you!
As a matter of fact, I have a friend with four children who sleep in her bed daily. She's Asian, and in the Asian culture, kids are typically with them 24 hours a day, no problem. They all hop into one bed at night, and that's how they sleep. They love it. That works for them.
But this momma that I met with was exhausted by the time she reached out to me. She had tried everything to get her kids to sleep in the bed, and nothing was working.
Are you like this mama? You put your child to bed, read all the stories, and then they want something to drink? So you get up, get water, and yet all the while you've got other things to do?
And then kids have to go to the bathroom, and, of course, they want you to come with them. So you go to the bathroom with your little one. And this goes on and on and on.
If this isn't stressful enough, some moms work from home. And many are getting work done after they put their kids to bed. But the longer parents stay up addressing requests, the more frustrating it gets because other tasks don’t get done. Right?
So this is worth a try:
If you know your kiddo will ask for water and have to go to the bathroom and maybe want something to eat, take care of that before you even go to the bedroom. Check those things off.
Don't even ask, "Do you want something to eat before going to bed?" Because they're going to say no.
But if you say, "Hey, do you want A or B before we go to bed?" then they're not going to say no. They're going to take the option. You'll know that food is in their bellies. At least you don't need to have the mama guilt that says, "What if they really are hungry? What if they really are thirsty?" Right?
Okay, so you can give them something to drink, a little water, or a little milk. Milk has tryptophan in it, which is really great for helping kids or parents fall asleep. Next, you can bring them to the bathroom, and then get them in bed, and read little stories.
This is where it gets a little tricky, and most parents don't know what to do next. Parents say all their good nights; kiss their kids good night, and then when they leave, that's where all the trouble begins.
In all likelihood, kids will get out of bed with complaints such as, "Mommy, I'm scared, " "Mommy, I'm afraid of the dark, " or "Mommy, I can't fall asleep." Right?
These are all legitimate things that happen. Sometimes we can't fall asleep. Sometimes we are afraid of the dark; sometimes, any number of things prevent us from sleeping.
But what is it your child wants? What would help them fall asleep easier? Would it help if you leave the nightlight on for them?
Is there a stuffed animal or teddy bear, or maybe something from you like a pajama that you wear that smells like you?
Could you give them a pillow from your bedroom that has your scent on it? You see, once they have that thing, now it's a bargaining chip.
You can say, "As long as you stay in bed, you can have my pillow (or whatever it is). If you get out of bed, then you're going to lose that thing."
Now the decision is up to them. Mind you; a child wants everything. They want you. They want the thing - they want, they want everything.
But as long as you give them an option: Stay in bed, and they can have whatever the thing is, now it's up to them.
If they choose to get up anyway, they lose the thing and go back to bed without the thing they wanted. That is a no-win situation for a kiddo, and nobody wants to lose.
Kids want to win. So you create a scenario where no matter what they do, it's a win. In the grand scheme of things, it's a win. They're going to discover it pays to stay in bed.
So what happens if you've got a child who doesn't want anything, can't fall asleep, and decides they're going to come to your room no matter what? And you know they're going to get up ten times a night? What do you do when all else fails?
Reach out to me! I’d love to help customize a working plan with you.
Grab a date and time HERE.
A good night’s sleep is crucial for your ability to be patient, tolerant, make good decisions, and experience good health.
