Do you know what the no-good bad word is that we tend to always say as moms and should never say? It's the word "punishment." Are you using the word "punishment" when the kids do something wrong or don't listen?
If you find yourself saying, "You're going to be punished for that," let me tell you a little story:
When I was a kid growing up - I was a strong-willed kid - I got punished for everything. Typically, I would be sent outside to play with neighborhood kids until it got dark. It was easy to tell because the street lights would come on. Now, we knew when the street lights came on, you better run home. And if you didn't make it back, you were going to be "punished."
So, the punishment was sort of like, you know, you did something wrong. There's a price you're going to pay for it, tit for tat. It was really no different than a jail sentence - you break the law and go to jail. Tit for tat. It's punishment.
The problem was it never really sank in that we should have a change of heart. There was no restoration involved. It was just everyday punishment. So that's the problem. Nobody changes when you use the no-good bad word "punishment" with the kids, because it doesn't send a message of correction.
Really, what we want requires us to be more intentional with our mission during any moment of discipline. We're training our children to be like an arrow. There's a bullseye, a destination. There's a perfect point - not perfection - but the goal of being your best self. Right? That's what our job is as a mom: to help our kids be their best selves.
Ultimately, we are molding them; we are training them. And when a child veers off track, what do we have to do? We have to "correct" them. We have to get them back on track.
So "punishment" is not even the correct word for what we're doing. We are really manifesting a course correction. We discipline to correct the child so that there is a change of heart and restoration.
So, the best language to use is not, "You're going to be PUNISHED for having done wrong!" A more accurate statement would be, "You're going to be CORRECTED so that you get back on track."
Do you see how there's no negative ickiness to using a more precise phraseology? It's the easiest thing to do - to bring a positive twist to the process of correction.
The problem with kids like me, a strong-willed kid, was that I was willing to take the punishment if it meant I could get the thing I wanted.
Part of the problem with using the word "punishment" is that when you're raising a kid who's willing to take the punishment, you're allowing self-destructive behavior. Some kids are ready to self-destruct for the sake of getting the thing they want. If you are raising a strong-willed child, you already know they're ready to take the price. So let's change the language, let's use the right words.
When a child does something wrong, they're not going to be punished. They're going to be corrected. We have to discipline them to help them get back on track. And when they do, we praise them with hugs and words like, "I'm proud of you. You're back on track."
Motherhood is front-loaded with hard work. We have an essential job to do. When a child veers off track with unacceptable behavior or words, course correction makes sure our relationships and family all land on the right path together.
Kind, happy kids + calm, confident mamas = a happy home!
Exciting, isn’t it?!!
Loyla
