Do you ever feel ignored by your little ones? Like they're just not listening, no matter what you say? Our kids are smart and beautiful, and we love them dearly. But remember, their brains are still developing. They don’t have the life experience or wisdom we do. Sometimes, they use their cleverness in ways that challenge us.
Learn how to speak so your kids listen, ensure they understand you, and foster a stronger connection. This mom-to-mom guide provides actionable tips for improving your child’s attention and clarifying your messages. Perfect for parents of children aged 2-6.
So, how can we make sure they hear us and not just tune us out?
Speak to Be Heard
First things first: we need to speak to be heard. This week, let's practice a few simple exercises to improve our communication with our kids. Because nothing gets better without practice, right?
Say Less, Connect More
To speak so our kids listen, we need to say less and connect more. Give them eye contact, avoid yelling from across the room, and make sure you're at their level when you talk. When kids don’t listen, they might say they didn’t hear you or claim you never said it. Sound familiar?
Eye-to-eye contact is crucial. Speak calmly and clearly without yelling. Children respond much better to this. You can even gently place your hand on their shoulder to ensure there's no miscommunication. This physical touch adds another layer of connection and clarity.
The Importance of Tone and Clarity
Let me share a quick story about the importance of tone and clarity. I used to be a court reporter. During one case, a man was asked, “Did you kill your wife?” He responded, “I killed my wife?” with a questioning tone. But if I wrote it down as “I killed my wife,” without the question mark, it sounds like an admission of guilt. See how the inflection completely changes the meaning?
Practice High Communication
To avoid misunderstandings with our kids, ensure they not only hear but also see us. Placing your hand on their shoulder, looking them in the eye, and speaking are powerful tools. When setting the stage for good communication with children aged two to six, these techniques are invaluable.
Next-Level Communication: Be Understood
As our kids grow, we need to move to the next level: speaking to be understood. It’s not just about saying what we need to say; it’s about ensuring they understand it.
Clarifying Intentions
If you tell your child, “Turn off the TV,” but they think you mean when they’re done with the show, there's a miscommunication. Or if you say, “Are you ready for bed?” when you really mean it’s time to start getting ready, clarity is lost.
Asking, “What did you hear me say?” is a great way to check if they understood you. Too often, we assume our kids get it, but they might not. Let’s clear up those assumptions by confirming their understanding.
Teaching Honesty with Sensitivity
We teach our kids not to lie, but we also don’t want them to be brutally honest in hurtful ways. It’s a tricky balance. For example, if a friend asks, “Do you like my dress?” we might hope our child responds kindly, even if they don't love the dress. Or if they see someone who is overweight, we don’t want them to blurt out an insensitive comment.
Yet, we want them to tell us if a sibling is in danger. This balance can be confusing for them. We need to ensure they understand when honesty is appropriate and how to express it kindly.
Assumptions and Misinterpretations
Kids often misinterpret what we say, especially when they’re dealing with sibling rivalry. They might think we love their sibling more than them, simply based on how we phrase things. This misunderstanding can happen daily, creating unnecessary tension and feelings of neglect.
To avoid this, ask clarifying questions like, “What did that mean to you?” or “What did you hear me say?” This ensures they’re interpreting your words correctly.
What’s Your Challenge?
Where do you struggle with communication? What miscommunications arise in your home? Every child has a unique communication style, love language, and personality. As a parenting and life coach, I help moms navigate these differences to find what works best for their families. Feel free to schedule a brainstorming discovery call here.
Takeaway and Invitation
This week, focus on speaking clearly and making sure your child understands you. Use simple language, confirm their understanding, and practice connecting with them physically and emotionally.
If you missed last week's post about talking to our children in terms they can understand—like good versus bad and transitioning to right and wrong based on family values—check it out!
Join us next time for more practical tips and action steps to improve your parenting journey.
Until next time, take care and keep it simple, mama!
Warmly,
Loyla
