A child’s brain is an extraordinary creation, especially in the early years. Think of it as a high-capacity hard drive, constantly downloading information from the world around them. But here’s the catch: this hard drive doesn’t have a filter. It stores everything—the good, the bad, the encouraging, and the hurtful—without sorting or questioning it. For parents, understanding this process is a game-changer because the words we speak to our children don’t just fade into the air; they settle deeply into their subconscious and shape their reality.
The Science Behind the Subconscious
During the first seven years of life, a child’s brain operates predominantly in a theta brainwave state. This state is akin to a sponge, making them highly suggestible and ready to absorb the world around them. According to Dr. Bruce Lipton, a renowned developmental biologist, children in this stage are essentially in a state of hypnosis, where their subconscious mind is being programmed with the beliefs and messages they hear and experience.
What’s most fascinating—and sobering—is that the subconscious doesn’t distinguish between truth and falsehood, or positive and negative. It accepts everything it’s given as fact. So, when a parent says something like, “You’re so careless,” the child’s subconscious takes it as part of their identity. Conversely, hearing something positive like, “You are so thoughtful and careful,” becomes a cornerstone for their self-perception.
Words Become Reality
Let’s break it down further with an example. Imagine a child who repeatedly hears, “You never listen.” Over time, this message lodges in their subconscious as an unshakable truth. Even if the parent doesn’t mean it literally or says it out of frustration, the child starts to internalize the idea that they are not a good listener. This can influence their behavior, relationships, and confidence well into adulthood.
Now, let’s flip the script. A child who hears, “You’re such a great listener,” or “I love how you pay attention,” begins to see themselves as someone who listens well. Repeated positive affirmations like this can rewire the brain, creating a subconscious belief that guides their actions and boosts their confidence.
Why Negative Words Stick More Easily
Here’s another crucial fact: the brain has a negativity bias. Research shows that negative experiences and words have a stronger impact on our brains than positive ones. This is a survival mechanism designed to help us avoid danger, but it also means that the hurtful things we say—even unintentionally—tend to stick much longer than the uplifting ones.
However, there’s good news. Neuroscience has found that positive affirmations and repeated encouragement can override negative programming. It’s not about being perfect but about being intentional in the words we choose.
Practical Tips for Parents
Pause Before You Speak: In moments of frustration, take a deep breath and pause. Remind yourself that your words hold long-term power.
Reframe Negative Statements: Instead of saying, “You’re so messy,” try, “Let’s work together to clean this up.” This shifts the focus to a solution without labeling the child.
Use Affirmations Regularly: Simple statements like, “You are capable,” or “I love how kind you are,” when repeated often, become ingrained in your child’s subconscious.
Repair After a Slip-Up: No one gets it right 100% of the time. If you say something you regret, take the opportunity to apologize and replace the negative with a positive affirmation. For example, “I shouldn’t have said that. You are such a hardworking kid, and I see how much effort you’re putting in.”
Be Consistent: Consistency is key when it comes to reprogramming the subconscious. Even if it feels repetitive, those positive messages matter.
Speak Life Into Your Child’s Future
Every parent faces moments of frustration and exhaustion. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed, but those are the moments to remember the incredible power of your words. You’re not just shaping behavior in the short term—you’re building the foundation for how your child sees themselves and interacts with the world for the rest of their life.
Pour life into your child’s heart, mind, and soul. Choose words that nurture, encourage, and affirm their worth. Because when you speak life into your child, you’re not just impacting their present; you’re shaping a future filled with confidence, resilience, and love.
Wishing you breakthroughs,wins, connection, and strong bonding with your child!
Coach Loyla
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